Hi everybody, in case there's someone there who will read what I'm about to write... hahaha!
I guess since May I didn't write anything... I didn't feel like... I had good times and bad times, many trips, lots of happiness and also cried many times. I said I wouldn't write about T. anymore, but this whole time I was travelling to meet him, wishing with all my soul that we could be together; I finally discovered what love is, skated with him, travelled with him... felt like never before in my life and I thank life for having known T. He "gave" me the best time of my life, happiness like I never felt before.
I do love him a lot. And yet, I could never tell him this. Mainly because I know he wouldn't like to listen to it. Mainly because I know he doesn't love me.
Mainly because I'm so afraid for being far from him, in another city, accomplishing my studies... and that I fear he one day - if it didn't happen yet - finds someone he will really love. And if it is this way... well, there's nothing I can do.
I did all I could. I spent in a year an amount of money that lots of people don't earn in 2 years. I had a good time. I must say. Many times I was sad, this is also true. But nobody is perfect and relationships are also made of ups and downs, of course. This way we exchange points of views, so on.
Not bearing the way I miss T. anymore, I finally wrote him some messages saying this.
Friends out there and readers, no need to tell me the obvious. He didn't answer. So... yes, this is an answer itself.
And yet... it is like this. Nothing I can do. Just waiting for the days to end for me to sleep. And wake up and again waiting for the days to end again. I was never this way. I was always a cheerful, nice, lively person, very optimistic...
I am still this way, but... this time... after more than a year and a half only thinking and being with T. for a whole year... I know I can't love anymore.
Some guys approached me trying their luck. Even an ex-boyfriend of mine found me on internet... After I got to know T., I started to be honest to everybody.
NO, is my answer from now on. I don't want to meet any man, I can't give hope to anybody, I know it's not possible for me to be interested in anybody anymore.
I'm sorry, other people would say "oh, dear, of course you'll be interested in someone again, in the future..."
No, I won't. I know myself. It took long for me to find the man I wanted. Now... as I know myself... I also know HE is the one... what I always told everybody it didn't exist... but for me I saw that yes, there was the one. It's T. And now... I got the nice memories... and this isn't bad, is it?
At least I can say that I found the one for me!
He exists! I had the best time of my life with him! Happiness that I didn't even dream before it would be possible!
The way he kissed and hugged me, the way he smiled at me, the way I looked at him and got so happy to see his smile...
So now... I have my memories... and need to go on living... if this is living now what I am doing... it's not, for sure, but... well, I need to sleep and to wake up... and so I will do...
Good night everybody... I was glad to see that some friends are still on my page... please, don't worry about me. I just wanted to put these things out of my chest, because they were making me sad today... but I shouldn't be... I got to know him... and this is something nice to remember...
